a rant

i can't focus today
and my head is swimming
and i don't think Jesus and I are :like this: any more.
and it's because of me.
and i can't figure it out.
and i don't understand.
and i have weird dreams that haunt me.
and creep me out.
and i don't want to sit still.
and i don't want to have to think.
because it doesn't help at all.
and i have a ton of studying to do.
and did i mention i can't focus?

this is how i feel:
like i am trying to get to this door, because I know Jesus is behind it.
and i know he'll make everything ok.
there are bushes surrounding the entire building, which i have to cross through.
and i am running through this empty field, in the dark, trying to reach the bushes...because that means the door is close. but there are these evil enemies that are shooting arrows at me. i keep running through the wave of arrows as they pierce my body. blood is dripping down from each of the many arrows sticking out of me. i finally reach the bushes and try to find a way through, but there is no opening. so i just begin pushing my way through the hedges. only, i have all these arrows sticking out of me...and they get caught on the twigs and branches. this makes the pain increase drastically. but, i am frantic to get through, so i keep wiggling and pushing and trying to reach the other side.
it doesn't work.
and i am stuck there. in the bushes. in pain and blood and leaves and darkness. and the enemies continuous screams. i try to call for Jesus. to let him know that i am almost there! and that i need help. because i can't make it on my own. but...i don't think he can hear me, because the others are yelling so loudly. and even if he did...i don't think he would come. because he gave me the right amount of time, and i messed up. that's what they're telling me, anyway. they're saying He doesn't care anymore, because i let him down. and now, i am stuck in the bushes.