joy has an enemy

i smile
but am dead inside
i am free—
yet imprisoned.
locked down
by Self.
continually, i fight your love.
hardened by these chains
of resistance,
(independence)
my heart has no more room
for another.
i cannot breathe like this
the Spirit is suffocated
by my growing walls of iron.
there is no gate
in this fortified city of Self.
no window.
no crack.
can you hear me cry?
You conquered death!
walk through my walls in your power
and destroy this hardened core.
(i don’t have three days).
please….i need you.
am i even worth saving
after all this?
[4-5-09, 11:49 AM]