MC; Fall; 09

So, this morning is my FREAK OUT ABOUT SCHOOL morning. I know, Friday is supposed to be relaxing, but really....who doesn't want to FREAK OUT ABOUT SCHOOL on a Friday? It's so perfect!

I ordered my textbooks. All 57 of them.

[okay, so it's only 12]
[so far]

And, another reason to FREAK OUT ABOUT SCHOOL: I discovered, much to my dismay, that instead of starting like normal day classes do, my classes start August the 24th! Lovely. And I will be in Virginia. So, this will be interesting. And I hope Audra loves me enough to take notes for me in Embryo the first night. Maybe if I tempt her with the promise of candy...

[sigh. i do love me some all-caps.]

f.o.r.e.v.e.r.

My heart is overflowing with praise
for You and Your ways.
Your love is beating inside my heart.
You and I? Yeah, we'll never part.
I could not live without Your presence--
not for a second.
Longing...it's the gift You give
and the ache You fulfill.
I'm so glad I still
think I can't get enough of You.
You're so big, there's always something new.
I am Yours and will love You
forever.

My Salvation

After writing for pages in my journal, I figured I'd type up the rest to spare my hand from more pain. [I do love a good handwritten journal entry, though]

So far, this year has been one God has been using to teach me to trust Him. And wow, His ways of teaching me are....bizarre. I'm pretty sure He would admit that in a heartbeat, too. Anyway, after ups and downs and ins and outs spinning me off my comfortable chair...I....yeah, I'm still learning! :] But, it's so good. Because He is so good.

And tonight, God showed me this...and it sank in differently than any other time I have read Romans. More proof that it's not about me or anything I can or will ever do.

For Moses wrote that the law's way of making a person right with God requires obedience to all of its commands. But, the way of getting right with God through faith says, "You don't need to go to heaven" (to find Christ and bring him down to help you). And it says, "You don't need to go to the place of the dead" (to bring Christ back to life again). Salvation that comes from trusting Christ--which is the message we preach--is already within easy reach. In fact, the Scriptures say, "The message is close at hand; it is on your lips and in your heart."
[Romans 10:5-15. NLT]

and I hope it stays there forever.
He keeps me alive.

The Life of an 8-year old in 2009.

We played Sorry this morning...Jacob and I. After a long and glorious battle, I did get my four yellow pieces HOME before he did, so according to the rules of the game, I won. He is still learning lessons on being a good sport about things, but I think the fact that he broke the top off his little red piece helped remind him to release anger in a milder way. I'm glad we're still friends and can keep picking on each other. He's the little brother I never had--annoyances and all. I love it. "Mooooom, Jacob said my face looked like a bull-dog..." That was last week.

He picked up a stray balloon after our game ended, and I showed him how to rub it on his head to create static. He was freaked and scared he was going to get shocked. But, once I stuck the balloon to the ceiling and it stayed all of 30 seconds, he figured it was worth a shot. I bet he is still walking around the house rubbing that white balloon with the magic marker-ed face on his head and sticking it on random things.

The breakfast dishes were still sitting there, so I begin doing them as he talks to me with his never-ending questions. I turn on the radio to a country station, since that's how I roll, and the first song to come on was one unfamiliar to me. He got silent when he first heard it, then lit up after the first line and eagerly exclaimed that this was one of his favorite songs! I smiled and wondered why, since it started leaning towards the romance side of country. He started quietly singing the chorus to himself and seemed lost in a little world of his own. He looked at me, finally, and said, "Mama said that this song reminds her of Daddy....." My heart melted. His mother left Jacob's dad for a boyfriend in town. The divorce was finalized a few months ago. No wonder Jacob has this song on his list of favorites. He's eight. He misses his parents love almost as much as his father does.

Why do people throw love away?

So Daddy, stop leavin'
and Mama, be loyal.
'cause when you stop believin'
your love is worth fighting for
you destroy that little kid's world.

it makes me want to sing another love song

I cried out to the LORD,
and He heard me.
I am back in His arms.
and realizing once again,
He is all that matters.

[Sweep Me Away, by Kari Jobe]

incomplete

I have had no complete thoughts for about three days now.
Just random words exploding like firecrackers in my brain.
fire and all.
which is why
they tend to hurt most of the time.

Sushi is good.
But not as good as the word of God.
Oh, that. Yeah, what happened?
Wait, you need to remember that part.
And what about that letter?
Remember to set your alarm.
Why don't you ever finish reading a book?
No wonder you aren't growing.
"in the night...."
Where are the stars?
I CAN'T HEAR ANYTHING!
Static always creeps into my radio.
I just want to race.
Failure.
That's what it has been.
Ha! Hope?
And why did you say that, anyway?
I want to learn more about boundaries.
Not that I can apply anything to my life.
I'm such a wimp.
What happened to self-control?
You will have no free evening this week.
Why do I feel like this?
I hope her mind is being restored.
Trust kills.
But you have unfailing love!
Why does it feel like this sometimes?
Remind me again.
Passion for what matters.
Where has it gone?
Have I put up too many walls?
And still not enough?
Where have you gone?
I need to knock that one down.

forgiveness. pursuit. love. unfailing.

Jealous Kind by Jars of Clay

a step of correction in the process of learning

So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw close to God, and God will draw close to you. Wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, you hypocrites. Let there be tears for the wrong things you have done. Let there be sorrow and deep grief.....When you bow down before the Lord and admit your dependence on Him, He will lift you up and give you honor.
-James 4:7-10 nlt [and the entire chapter, really]