Too Many Options

This is the problem with the blogging world. And I have, once again, succumbed to its charms.

Enter: my tumblr

Summer

Summer is supposed to be an expression of sleep, fun, and adventures.

Oh, summer...where art thou?

All these blog updates are making me want to write something. But, I have nothing creative or entertaining to say. My mind is being sucked up into this test, which will be finished next week. [thank you, God!] My heart is still quite happy, though, and is counting down the days to September. [currently: 109!]

Spring Break

Whoever invented the amazing break during the spring semester of school......should have made it longer. Right now, I will just enjoy what free days I can get, I suppose.

So, I would like to announce to the world that I AM ENGAGED! On September 25, 2010.....I will become Mrs. Carolita Heritage. I like this very much. Very, very much. Here he is:



hehe. this picture makes me laugh. I like this man. I love him! I think he's funny and sweet and kind and gentle and strong and creative and witty and crazy.....and....and....he's mine. :]

Being in love makes us happy.













and will forever.
-Carolita

Life is not a video game.

I had my interview with University of MS Medical Center yesterday. Three interviewers, thirty minutes, three hundred things circling through my mind. Prayers from my love, my family, and my friends kept me calm throughout the interviews. I could not ask for a better network of friends. And I definitely could not ask for a better boyfriend.

I cheated the night before my interview, and read the Verse of the [next] Day. I know God has timing better than a metronome, but why am I still shocked when He is visible precisely when I need it?

Ps. 32:8 [nlt]
"The LORD says,
"I will guide you along the best pathway for your life.
I will advise you and watch over you."'

He knows where I need to be this year and the next in order to become the person He is making me. And nothing will get in the way of His plan. So, here comes trust, faith, love, rest, and peace. I'm glad I am not in control of my life....as if it were a video game. God's hands are holding me and I have nothing to worry about.

Visibility

It's hard to believe I have a wonderful boyfriend
who loves me very much.
It's hard to believe I am in my Senior year of college.
It's hard to believe I have a Medical School Interview in a month.
It's hard to believe I'm driving 3.5 hours tomorrow
because the State wants to give me money.
It's hard to believe I donated my hair.
It's hard to believe I will see all my family this month.
It's hard to believe all the blessings God has given me.
It's hard to believe I'm living in such love.....

It's the middle of the week. Life has been a mess.

Thursday night, I started getting sick.
Friday, it was not the flu.
Saturday, I drove home (and shopped with my sisters!).
Sunday, I almost fainted.
Monday, I went to class.
Tuesday, was yesterday.

True story. I should take a job as a story teller. I can see it working.

The Tyra Banks Show is interesting. I'm watching it now. [not right right now, since commercials are playing]. First, couples came on talking about open relationships. Now, I am learning about the three words that will cause any girl to get a date. Like I said, interesting.

I ate a peanut butter/honey sandwich for lunch. It was amazing. And my little satsuma was the perfect addition. I kind of feel bad eating them sometimes. Satsumas. They sit so adorably in my hand. And when I take the peeling off and separate the individual slices...they kind of look lonely. So I just eat them really fast. I don't want to keep making them miserable, you know.

I have the best boyfriend ever. He puts up with me...even when I'm sneezing, coughing, and sniffling 24/7. Heart. And it's 4:22 right now. Which is perfect.

And I think I'll try to take a nap now. Give my body a little time to rest for once. And have Jesus time. Helps my miiiind and soul. [I....don't know why I said "mind" like that. Shrugs.]

-out

[heart]

Sonnet 43 by Elizabeth Barret Browning

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints!---I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life!---and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

o, happy day

These have been happy days.
School starts next week, and I am so not ready for any of the moving, classes, or homework. But, it will be good to see my friends again, learn knew things, and not be two hours from my boyfriend. :P

God's ways are so different than ours.
and I like 'em! :]
-Carolita

The Day After Today

tomorrow...tomorrow...i love ya....tomorrow
you're only a daaaaaay awayyyyy

I take my MCAT tomorrow.
And then I will be free to chill in the best way possible.
I do hope my test goes well.
[Jesus? ;)]
I think I've narrowed it down to reading comprehension.
Which could be good or extremely bad.
Let's go with the former for happiness' sake.
And yeah, I'm just rambling about my test now.
Because.

Signing out,
-C

MC; Fall; 09

So, this morning is my FREAK OUT ABOUT SCHOOL morning. I know, Friday is supposed to be relaxing, but really....who doesn't want to FREAK OUT ABOUT SCHOOL on a Friday? It's so perfect!

I ordered my textbooks. All 57 of them.

[okay, so it's only 12]
[so far]

And, another reason to FREAK OUT ABOUT SCHOOL: I discovered, much to my dismay, that instead of starting like normal day classes do, my classes start August the 24th! Lovely. And I will be in Virginia. So, this will be interesting. And I hope Audra loves me enough to take notes for me in Embryo the first night. Maybe if I tempt her with the promise of candy...

[sigh. i do love me some all-caps.]

f.o.r.e.v.e.r.

My heart is overflowing with praise
for You and Your ways.
Your love is beating inside my heart.
You and I? Yeah, we'll never part.
I could not live without Your presence--
not for a second.
Longing...it's the gift You give
and the ache You fulfill.
I'm so glad I still
think I can't get enough of You.
You're so big, there's always something new.
I am Yours and will love You
forever.

My Salvation

After writing for pages in my journal, I figured I'd type up the rest to spare my hand from more pain. [I do love a good handwritten journal entry, though]

So far, this year has been one God has been using to teach me to trust Him. And wow, His ways of teaching me are....bizarre. I'm pretty sure He would admit that in a heartbeat, too. Anyway, after ups and downs and ins and outs spinning me off my comfortable chair...I....yeah, I'm still learning! :] But, it's so good. Because He is so good.

And tonight, God showed me this...and it sank in differently than any other time I have read Romans. More proof that it's not about me or anything I can or will ever do.

For Moses wrote that the law's way of making a person right with God requires obedience to all of its commands. But, the way of getting right with God through faith says, "You don't need to go to heaven" (to find Christ and bring him down to help you). And it says, "You don't need to go to the place of the dead" (to bring Christ back to life again). Salvation that comes from trusting Christ--which is the message we preach--is already within easy reach. In fact, the Scriptures say, "The message is close at hand; it is on your lips and in your heart."
[Romans 10:5-15. NLT]

and I hope it stays there forever.
He keeps me alive.

The Life of an 8-year old in 2009.

We played Sorry this morning...Jacob and I. After a long and glorious battle, I did get my four yellow pieces HOME before he did, so according to the rules of the game, I won. He is still learning lessons on being a good sport about things, but I think the fact that he broke the top off his little red piece helped remind him to release anger in a milder way. I'm glad we're still friends and can keep picking on each other. He's the little brother I never had--annoyances and all. I love it. "Mooooom, Jacob said my face looked like a bull-dog..." That was last week.

He picked up a stray balloon after our game ended, and I showed him how to rub it on his head to create static. He was freaked and scared he was going to get shocked. But, once I stuck the balloon to the ceiling and it stayed all of 30 seconds, he figured it was worth a shot. I bet he is still walking around the house rubbing that white balloon with the magic marker-ed face on his head and sticking it on random things.

The breakfast dishes were still sitting there, so I begin doing them as he talks to me with his never-ending questions. I turn on the radio to a country station, since that's how I roll, and the first song to come on was one unfamiliar to me. He got silent when he first heard it, then lit up after the first line and eagerly exclaimed that this was one of his favorite songs! I smiled and wondered why, since it started leaning towards the romance side of country. He started quietly singing the chorus to himself and seemed lost in a little world of his own. He looked at me, finally, and said, "Mama said that this song reminds her of Daddy....." My heart melted. His mother left Jacob's dad for a boyfriend in town. The divorce was finalized a few months ago. No wonder Jacob has this song on his list of favorites. He's eight. He misses his parents love almost as much as his father does.

Why do people throw love away?

So Daddy, stop leavin'
and Mama, be loyal.
'cause when you stop believin'
your love is worth fighting for
you destroy that little kid's world.

it makes me want to sing another love song

I cried out to the LORD,
and He heard me.
I am back in His arms.
and realizing once again,
He is all that matters.

[Sweep Me Away, by Kari Jobe]

incomplete

I have had no complete thoughts for about three days now.
Just random words exploding like firecrackers in my brain.
fire and all.
which is why
they tend to hurt most of the time.

Sushi is good.
But not as good as the word of God.
Oh, that. Yeah, what happened?
Wait, you need to remember that part.
And what about that letter?
Remember to set your alarm.
Why don't you ever finish reading a book?
No wonder you aren't growing.
"in the night...."
Where are the stars?
I CAN'T HEAR ANYTHING!
Static always creeps into my radio.
I just want to race.
Failure.
That's what it has been.
Ha! Hope?
And why did you say that, anyway?
I want to learn more about boundaries.
Not that I can apply anything to my life.
I'm such a wimp.
What happened to self-control?
You will have no free evening this week.
Why do I feel like this?
I hope her mind is being restored.
Trust kills.
But you have unfailing love!
Why does it feel like this sometimes?
Remind me again.
Passion for what matters.
Where has it gone?
Have I put up too many walls?
And still not enough?
Where have you gone?
I need to knock that one down.

forgiveness. pursuit. love. unfailing.

Jealous Kind by Jars of Clay

a step of correction in the process of learning

So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw close to God, and God will draw close to you. Wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, you hypocrites. Let there be tears for the wrong things you have done. Let there be sorrow and deep grief.....When you bow down before the Lord and admit your dependence on Him, He will lift you up and give you honor.
-James 4:7-10 nlt [and the entire chapter, really]

i <3 the weepies

Not Your Year

Nobody Knows Me At All

Hideaway

time

i'm trying to form thoughts about how to live each day.
they say live as if it were your last day on earth.
but what about living as if it were your first?

O_o

omg.
i am going crazy.
but You see me coming in
and You see me going out
so please
don't let me forget
what life is all about.